#1. Podcast intro - [00:00:00]

Russ, Matt and Gee welcome listeners to this weeks podcast with 13 minutes of extra chat, this includes:

• A drug smuggling monk
• Plans for a booze-cruise on the river Tyne
• Jeremy Paxman asking Russell to go round the country with him in an ice cream van

#2. Red flags all round - [00:12:56]

It's the first ever show and someone has foolishly left Russell in charge of the buttons, a job we all know Matt Morgan should be in charge of. Matt is quick to point out a number of red flags; the buttons being one, the fact the news is being read in the studio being another, and the fact the news reader is a woman being a third... Russell's first email features an anecdote involving Henry the hoover (a former lover of Ol' Russ), unfortunately he's been reduced to sucking poo's out of walls. Russell's mum tweets in to wish him well and Russ and Gee attempt to give complex love advice to a young male listener, with Matt suggesting he just download Tinder.

#3. Frankly, I've missed you - [00:23:44]

Russell and Matt discuss fatherhood, having both had daughters in 2016. We also learn that Russell's first instinct upon seeing Matt arrive at Radio X was to give him a sensual shoulder massage, something Matt welcomed. Russ plugs his new podcast "Under The Skin" before the boys discuss grey squirrels and Prince Charles' plight to have them sterilised, bizarrely this involves spiking nutella with sterilisation drugs. Gee claims to have seen a red squirrel in Shoreditch just the other day, much to the disbelief of both Russell and Matt.

#4. My pyjamas have come undone! - [00:39:01]

Russell tells Matt and the listeners about a new martial art he's taken up called "Brazilian jiu-jitsu" (BJJ for short), and how it involves "rolling" with other men, which we quickly learn is essentially just cuddling on the ground in special pyjamas without eye-contact.

#5. Middle class buffoon - [00:53:03]

Noel's on the phone, and he's quick to embarrass Russell by reminding him about the time he locked himself in his own pantry. Matt and Noel take great delight in mocking Russell for his lavish life style and sprawling mansion.

#6. Completely destroyed anus - [01:23:11]

Russ and Matt discuss a Matador who's anus was "completely destroyed" by an 11 inch bull horn. The Mexican press described the Matador as "doing okay", but Matt questions whether a man with a completely destroyed anus can ever really be "doing okay". A fair point... Matt recalls two instances from his childhood involving Alsatian dogs, the first being when an Alsatian got into a car he was in as a boy and proceeded to hump him, and the second being when he was bitten by an Alsatian during his brief stint as an Avon lady. Matt concludes these instances are probably what puts him on edge around Russell's Alsatian, "Bear".

#7. We'll be here again next week - [01:31:01]

Much to Matt's horror, the mics go live but Russell is still in the toilets, leaving it to Matt to fill the dead air alone. Thankfully Russell is quick to return and call upon Gee to sum up the show with a poem, as is tradition.