#1. Over Knob at Night Celebrity - [00:00:00]
Ricky introduces everyone and begins to tell about a news story in Reuters that features Karl. The article claims Karl's fame stems from a statement about eating an "animal's private parts". The article specifically mentions that he is bald which annoys Karl. Steve dubs Karl the Global Village Idiot. Karl wonders if it is assumed that all "knob at night" websites relate to the podcast or if some have to do with "gays and that". The international craze confuses Karl, especially how its reached places like India. He thinks his fame is unfounded, and people should be talking about the kids who went to his school with big heads and webbed hands. Ricky wonders how famous Karl can be made.
#2. Advert - [00:05:38]
A voice that vaguely sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger flogs some television shows.
#3. Freak Out the Kids - [00:06:06]
More questions for Karl have been coming in. One listener wonders what he would change about what kids are taught in school. Karl decides not to teach kids maths, but ask them more questions that just simply don't have an answer. Ricky thinks this is a noble endeavour, the quest for knowledge. Karl just wants to freak 'em out a bit. For example, he would teach about a dishwasher that was found on Mars. Ricky and Steve highly doubt this. Ricky reasons, and Karl speculates. Karl thinks Mars is essentially a tip. He then moves onto dinosaurs and wonders how the kids would deal with that. Would it be good to have them knockinabout now? Karl thinks it would be because no one is dyin' any more. Thus, a T-Rex wandering about would be an equalizer.
#4. True Bathroom Story - [00:11:41]
Another listener e-mails in wondering about fights Karl has been in. Karl recounts the story about being in a fight with someone over a girl in school. He was about seven and he was hanging out with one girl. Another boy was jealous. At a school disco, Karl ripped her dress and she started crying. Everyone gave Karl hassle for being indifferent. When Karl went to the toilet, the other lad showed up and the two broke into a fight. Karl chipped his tooth on the sink. There was an assembly going on with a copper, at the same time. When Karl entered he was scared.
#5. Karl Year 1 - [00:15:40]
Steve continues to read out questions. A listener wonders what Karl's views are of the human appendix. Ricky explains what it is so Karl can answer the question. Karl assumes that it is needed because it is dangling about. He believes that if we didn't invent planes, we might have wings now. Ricky is not having it. Karl asks a question that he'd chuck to kids. If the human race went to another planet, do they start new years or continue where things were left off? Ricky corrects him by saying the length of a year might be completely different. Karl thinks the concept of a day could still be a man-made construct and a debate ensues. Karl attempts to end it, but Steve tries to parse out the topic. He pushes Karl further on what the world would do. It fails and Karl talks about sloths.
#6. Diary of Anne Idiot - [00:22:24]
Ricky intros Karl's Diary and Steve reads. Karl writes about how annoying whistling is and Ricky enthusiastically agrees. Upon seeing a frozen lake, Karl ponders if the ducks are worried. He asks Suzanne why they don't use their wings much. She dodged the question by calling her mum. Karl recalls when he and Suzanne were moving in during the London marathon. As he was lifting things into the flat, people clapped thinking he was doing some sort of fun run. When getting rid of clothes, Karl prefers to donate them to charity because the pick up is closer than the wheelie bin. Karl sees an advert for a book where a woman sees her doppelganger. Karl relates another doppelganger story about when a man saw himself as a kid. Walking home Karl sees a terrified kid in a pram being pushed by a jogger. Looking through a science book, Karl reads how radiation from the Big Bang is still about. He ponders the big bang, wondering if it was really loud as purported.
#7. Mr. T? - [00:26:46]
A voice that vaguely sounds like Mr. T flogs some television shows.
#8. The Most Ridiculous Monkey News - [00:27:20]
Ricky announces Monkey News. Karl begins to tell the story of a man with bad eyes who can't afford a doctor. He sees an advert for "Cheap Doctors" so he calls them up and makes an appointment. When he arrives, he doesn't see the doctor or anything, but the nurse just injects him and knocks him out right away. Ricky stops the news, incorrectly making a side note that chimps do not have opposable thumbs, when in fact, they do. The doctor comes in and it isn't saying anything to the patient and the surgery begins. After the surgery, the patient wakes up, his vision restored. The patient wants to see the doctor to thank him, but the nurse says it's not necessary. They argue about it so loudly that the doctor comes out to see what is going on. Turns out it's a little monkey. The patient is confused. Why is a monkey there? The nurse says, the advert read "Chimp Doctors", so he shouldn't be surprised. The monkey carried on working for a few years.
#9. The End - [00:32:35]
Ricky wraps up the penultimate podcast of the series.