#1. The Karl Pilkington Show - [00:00:00]
Ricky introduces everyone and thanks everyone for the e-mails. He admits Karl has become the star of the show. More fans have sent in art, and other fans have started hawking bootleg merchandise with Karl's face on it. Ricky is overjoyed by this. A fan has e-mailed in asking one of the trio to propose to another fan for him. Steve thinks Ricky should do it because it will be easy to relate to other people. He dismisses Karl as a passing fad. Ricky reluctantly pops the question with a disclaimer on top of it. Steve encourages them to e-mail in with a follow up. Karl throws his blessing in. It's too late for him and Suzanne though. He does not like the attention and would rather do it online. Karl then introduces a theory that only people with the same surname should date because then there's no reason to be married.
#2. It's Your Life - [00:06:05]
Soul singers introduce Karl as he spams a quick advert link for Channel 4's line-up: Green Wing, "Me" Name is Earl, and the IT Crowd. Karl suggests staying in a watching it with a brew, but at the end of the day, do what you want.
#3. Blame the Earthquake on the Butterfly - [00:06:35]
Fans have been sending in questions for Karl, so Ricky makes a jingle for it. The first questions asks if he could, what animal Karl would talk to and what he would say to it. Karl goes for the tortise because it is so old and would have loads of stories. The next question inquires about time travel; what event from your childhood would you go back to and why? Ricky interprets the question for him, but Karl still attacks the premise of the question much to Ricky's chagrin. After a confused rant about choking on a ice pop and dying, but not dying, then going back all the way to Rome, Karl decides he doesn't want to go back in time.
#4. Pelmet - [00:11:40]
Steve quickly changes subjects to workers in South China who wear diapers on trains so they don't have to use the toilet. Karl is asked if he'd wear one on a long journey. He wouldn't do it. He brings how when he was a kid, he didn't like using nappies. He'd go in a little litter tray in the corner rather than use a nappy. Karl wonders what the world is coming to and why there can be a toilet on the train. The Chinese have had better inventions (Cat Mops, Umbrella Hats). Phil has e-mailed in to let the lads know that "I Could Eat a Knob at Night" remixes went down a storm at a party.
#5. What a Waste of an Anecdote - [00:16:07]
It's time for news from the point of view of a monkey, aka Karl's diary. Karl mimicks a spider by playing dead when Ricky attacked him the previous day. As a result, he does not treat a homeless fella. Suzanne called Karl trying to meet him in the supermarket, however since they were at different markets, they were unable to find each other. Karl blames Ricky's assault. After finally meeting up with Suzanne, Karl approves of her new haircut despite her square head. Karl recalls writing in a dairy as a child, but his entries were always redundant, except when he went to Twiggy's Dance Club. However, when he went, Twiggy's was closed and a bunch of toilet rolls were being delivered. Karl sees a badly burnt man on the tube and wonders how much organs one could remove the body without it dying. Despite Ricky's protest, Karl accidently invents a new show, "Look What We Can Do With Science". Karl then writes about some post he had delivered. It was addressed to Mr. Dilkington. Changing subjects, Karl writes about how he learned a new word "wewe", an ugly female ghost with drooping breasts. This makes him believe there are too many words in the world. Karl gets in a argument with Suzanne about a medical show and calls her a wewe. Karl sees an article about a two headed fish and is not impressed. He quickly transitions to Descartes, the one who said "I know I'm about because I dream." (which doesn't work for ants). Karl and Ricky go on a tangent about sleep.
#6. Little Advert - [00:24:28]
Karl is back flogging channel four. He suggests watching if you're staying in, but if you are going out, go out.
#7. The Gangster and the Jockey - [00:24:54]
The jingle climatically rumbles in; it's time for Monkey News. This story is about a 50s gangster who liked to gamble who owned a horse and the human jockey turned up and it was fine. All he needed was a jockey, so he asked his mate to get one for him. Which isn't a problem because there's always plenty of human jockeys to go around. There is a problem getting jockey since they didn't want to get involved with a gangster. The gangster demands his lackeys find a jockey or else. The day of the race, they found a jockey. The only experience he's had in the circus though. The race begins, and the jockey is grinning. The horse is going so fast that it's all a smiling blur. He wins. The gangster collects the winnings. The jockey grabs fruit off a woman's hat, despite it being fake. Turns out, little monkey fella. This is the origin of the phrase "Put a monkey on it", monkey being Cockney slang for 500 quid.